The Mainline Minister

File today's post under "I couldn't make this up." Going where no Christmas season production has gone before, a theater troupe in Chicago has staged, I kid you not, A Klingon Christmas Carol (see here for more: http://www.cbtheatre.org/CHI-works/KCC2010-CHI/KCC-CHI-2010.htm). This is easily the weirdest confluence of pop culture icons I've encountered. Scrooge and Worf tossing back egg nog after a no-holds-barred bathleth competition. I can't even begin to imagine how Charles Dickens would react to this twist on his beloved Yuletide tale ...

It's always disorienting to read or hear the "argument" that the Civil War was about Southern "rights" and the desire of freedom-loving people to resist the oppression of an overbearing Federal government. But the weirdness reaches whole new levels when the "case" is put by a New Hampshire resident writing to the Valley News, the local paper that serves Lebanon and the surrounding region. The desire to rewrite history, or inhabit an alternate reality, brings to mind Daniel Patrick Moynihan's observation that we're all entitled to our opinions, we're not entitled to our own facts. While I agreed with the late Senator from New York, I fear that far too many people don't. And that is very, very scary when one considers the implications for our national common life: If we can't agree on fundamental facts, how on earth are we supposed to discuss and debate issues? And if we can't do that, how are we supposed to address the many ...

While watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade yesterday, I noticed that the Herald Square entrance to the famous store was sporting a new accessory: a BelieveMeter. This device was part of the overall theme of "Believe." The one we were supposed to place our trust in was none other than jolly 'ole Saint Nick. I didn't notice the meter moving, but I did wonder what it would be like to have one of these gizmos in church. Perhaps I'd be able to gauge the spiritual commitment of the congregation. I'd be able to use this Metric to determine which programs and ministries were working and which needed to be retooled. I could look at the meter after hymns and determine which songs were boosting peoples' faith. The more I thought about this, the more I wanted one. Then a question came to mind: what happens if the meter drops after I preach? Hmmm. Maybe I'll just leave the meter to the marketing guys at Macy's ....

For those of you who know that I worked for the Episcopal Diocese of Massachusetts for more than two years, I am happy to report that none of the bishops I've met or worked with were remotely capable of the mind-blowing insensitivity and professional malfeasance displayed by the Rt. Rev. Pete Broadbent, Bishop of Willesden, England. For those of you with more important things to follow like the kerfuffle involving full body scans or how many oodles of dollars the latest Harry Potter pic brought in last weekend, the skinny is this: Bishop Pete has a Facebook page; he also likes to use Twitter. Using both channels, His Eminence made a variety of disparaging remarks about the royal family, took a pot shot or two at Prince William and his fiancee Kate Middleton, then wound up by predicting their marriage would last seven years. See here for more : http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/royal-wedding/8153944/Royal-Wedding-Bishop-who-said-nuptials-wont-last-seven-years-suspended.html I ...

By now everyone is familiar with the immortal declaration "Don't touch my junk!" by an outraged passenger who was about to receive a pat-down by a TSA employee. Even though I no longer fly for work, something I used to do with great regularity, I empathize with the sentiment. There's something frightfully un-American about what's been going on at our airports. And, at even deeper level, what's been transpiring is dehumanizing. We're supposed to be free people in this country; instead, we're all being treated as suspected terrorists. Our country was founded in part on a recognition of the value of the individual; the process of checking in for a flight degrades people. We say we're going to beat the terrorists; instead, we surrender our civil liberties in the name of freedom. Something is very, very wrong here. While people speaking out and posting YouTube videos is encouraging, I wonder what is really going to change in the long run. My fear is ...

I was surprised when I walked into Home Depot last night – Wednesday, October 6 – and saw the large display of Christmas decorations for sale. Surprise turned into consternation when, a half hour later, I saw Advent calendars for sale at Borders. Now, I’m at risk of dating myself, but I remember when the Christmas seasonal items didn’t go on sale until after Thanksgiving. Now Christmas, er, excuse me, “Holiday” decorations are being pushed before Columbus Day! The implications of this are staggering. Does this mean my Advent calendar will have 80+ plus little windows to open? Should the Santa on my front lawn be given a costume for Halloween? Before we know it, decorations and holiday paraphernalia will be on the shelves, ready for purchase, in the summer. All of this brings to mind the old Crazy Eddie “Christmas in August” spots I’d see on TV when I was growing up outside of New York. What was intended to be a spoof is in danger of becoming reality, provi...

Warning: this post contains absolutely no profound thoughts! Readers may recall that I recently ordered a clergy shirt and collar. They arrrived in the mail today and I decided to try them on. I must confess, I was a bit weirded out when I looked at myself in the mirror. Who is this guy? I wondered. I looked so ... ecclesiastical! Funny that I've never thought this when donning my robe or stole. One discovery I made on putting on the collar: I think I know why my Congregationalist colleagues have left the wearing of this bit of clerical garb to our Catholic and Episcopalian brothers and sisters. They're not easy to get on! One has to fumble with buttons and things and, in the process, if you're like me, use language that is most assuredly not sacred. I plan to debut my new shirt at next weeks Apple Festival, when I'll be grilling hot dogs on the lawn in front of church. Hopefully, people will think that a minister manning the barbecue is fun!

Good Congregationalist that I am, I wear a black academic robe, liturgical-seasonally appropriate stole, and shirt and tie in the pulpit. No chasubles, no miters, no albs for this preacher. And no dog collars – you know, those white bands worn with a black shirt that are usually sported by clerics of the Roman Catholic and Episcopal persuasions. Until now that is. I finally broke down and ordered the shirt and collar today, not because of some dormant High Church tendencies (fear not, friends in Lebanon, incense is NOT coming to a church near you), but for the church’s upcoming Apple Festival at which I’ll be grilling hot dogs. Come again? No, there’s nothing ecclesiastical about manning the barbie. But it occurred to me that people would get a kick out of seeing a minister at the grill and wearing a collar will be a lot easier than going out in my robe. Besides, those collars are part of our Free Church sartorial heritage. We just moved away, while oth...

This morning's NY Times carried a report about the plans of Pastor Terry Jones to mark Sept. 11 by holding a Koran burning (see here: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/26/us/26gainesville.html?_r=1&hp). I find Mr. Jones's plans disturbing, both an American and as a Christian. There is something fundamentally un-American about burning books. Since the earliest colonial days our body politic has thrived on the free exchange of ideas, good, bad, silly, dangerous. Not every notion is equal, not every belief sound. But the way to counter an idea that one finds objectionable is to refute it with logic, passion, and a good, persuasive argument. When I think of book burnings, I think of Nazis and 1930s Germany. That is never a good association. As a Christian, I am even more troubled. Jesus was all about truth telling and he didn't pull punches. But I just can't see him condoning the burning of another faith tradition's holy books. After all, what Mr. Jones plans...

The more I think about it, the more I'm disturbed by the brouhaha over Park51, the proposed Islamic community center modeled on the 92 Street Y that would be built a couple of blocks away from ground zero. The reason? An already existing neighborhood establishment called the New York Dolls Gentleman's Club. For some reason, the people who are incensed by the idea of Park51 have yet to utter a peep about the club. Now, I'm not going to question why people are criticizing the proposed center. In fact, I'll assume that everybody is guided by the purist of motives. But if people are indeed concerned about the desecration of a sacred location, one might think that they'd be disturbed by the presence nearby of a place where lap dancing and other forms of sexual entertainment are the order of the day. Then again, one would expect people to be outraged by the idea of building a casino next door to the hallowed battlefield at Gettysburg, yet that project seems to have ...

Roland Emmereich, the producer of Independence Day , The Day After Tomorrow , and 2012 , has made a reputation for delivering Armageddon in grand, visually engaging fashion. In each of the aforementioned, definitely-not-art-house films, he managed, through the marvels of special effects, to destroy the earth in a matter of minutes. Spaceships blow things up, monster storms wash things away, massive earthquakes knock things down. This gripping and rapid big screen, make believe destruction is the antithesis of what's been unfolding in Pakistan. The floods in Pakistan have been going on for days. More than 20,000,000 people have been affected. Think about that: 20,000,000 people. That's just a shade more than the population of New York State (19.5 million) or New England (13.3 million) and Arizona (6.6 million) combined. And this is in a country contending with a decaying infrastructure, a corrupt and inefficient government, and an Islamist insurrection. I'm sure that ...

G. Jeffrey MacDonald, a fellow minister in the UCC, wrote an Op-Ed for last Sunday's N.Y. Times . The gist of what he wrote is that clergy are suffering burnout because their congregations aren't interested in being challenged (see here: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/08/opinion/08macdonald.html?_r=1&ref=contributors). To support his argument, Rev. MacDonald offers his own experience with a congregation he served, reporting that they wanted 10 minute-long, amusing, non-provocative sermons. He then implies that all churches are like this. Maybe I've just been lucky or my experience has been anomalous. But every church I've ever worshiped at, including the one where I now serve, has expected sermons that make people think and take them out of their comfort zone. The mainline church has many problems and is losing members at a disturbing rate. But blaming the people in the pews isn't going to be the answer. Perhaps we in the ministry need to examine what it ...

The news out of Boston today is that Deval Patrick, who supports gambling as a way of boosting revenues, won't go along with the legislation put forward by the Legislature, which also supports gambling (albeit in different forms) as a way of boosting revenues, meaning that casinos in Massachusetts are not going to happen, at least for now. While I'd prefer our elected leaders to oppose gambling because of the ills it inflicts on society, I can live with this development since it means, for the moment, that casino gambling-inspired corruption, vice, and addiction will have to wait another day to rear their ugly heads in the Bay State.

The Boston Globe reported the other day that Massachusetts lawmakers had agreed on the terms for gambling legislation. In New Hampshire there has been ongoing debate about introducing slot machines at race tracks. Have I missed something here? Aren't we New Englanders supposed to be, well, puritanical? We've certainly come a long way (and in the wrong direction). It's sad that our governments find it necessary (or is it convenient?) to turn to gambling, the most regressive form of taxation available to fund services and programs.

Last week the Daily Telegraph reported that the Rev. Tim Ross, a Methodist minister in the UK, was planning to use Twitter to administer communion ( http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/twitter/7908263/Church-minister-to-tweet-Holy-Communion-to-the-faithful.html ). While I applaud Rev. Ross' desire to use 21st century tools to spread the Good News, and I believe that real communities of interest can be formed online, I rather think this liturgical initiative rather misses the point. Communion a/k/a the Eucharist a/k/a the Lord's Supper is based on a shared meal. Yes, you and I could both sit down to eat and drink in different locations and email, text, or tweet one another about what were consuming, and we would have a common experience -- but would we really be sharing a meal? I don't think so. Some Christians believe that the host and wine are literally transformed into the body and blood of Christ. Others believe they are compelling representations of God's lov...

Originally posted at www.fccleb.org on July 20, 2010 I felt like I was back in B-school rather than Divinity School when I was working on yesterday’s sermon. As part of a series of reflections on the über-productive hymn writer Isaac Watts (he penned more than 750, some of which remain very popular – Joy to the World, anyone?), I wanted to see which hymns appeared most frequently among seven different hymnals published between 1906 and 2007. The easiest way to do this was by using a spreadsheet. Memories of sensitivity analyses, crosstabs, and other ways of playing with data came rushing back. A lot’s been said and written about the ways the Internet can be used to spread the Gospel. But number crunching? Not so much.

Originally posted at www.fccleb.org on July 16, 2010 Older readers and stand-up comedy fans may remember George Carlin’s “Seven Words You Can’t Say on Television” routine. The days when you could excite comment by uttering a profanity on television are long behind us. And, thanks to a court ruling, so too are the days when you could break the law ( http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/14/business/media/14indecent.html?_r=1&ref=television ). According to a Federal Appeals Court in New York, the FCC’s current ban on the use of fleeting obscenities is unconstitutional because it supposedly has a chilling effect. The upshot: it’s okay for Cher, Bono, and other stars who have cursed during live broadcasts to do so in the future. It doesn’t matter that some v...

Originally posted at www.fccleb.org on July 8, 2010 From the “We Never Got Around To This in Divinity School” Files … The past few days have seen the mercury climb into in the high 90s in the Upper Valley; my car’s thermometer has twice displayed a temperature of 100. The bottom line: it’s been hot, hot, hot. Which got me to thinking about hell. In the popular imagination, hell is a very hot place, defined by fire and brimstone. Nothing is every said about humidity, though, which I find interesting. For me, it’s the humidity that has given the recent weather its edge. I can tolerate the heat (though I’d much prefer temperatures in the high 60s or low 70s). The damp, cloying air is what gets to me. If...

Originally Posted at www.fccleb.org on June 29 When the Old Man in the Mountain fell from his rocky perch a few years ago, I idly wondered what that meant for all of the state road signs that sported his silhouette. “Would they be redesigned?” I wondered. As we all now know, the answer was no. After all, no good Yankee would waste a perfectly functional sign. And, on an existential level, the Old Man had become part of the state’s psyche; the fact that it no longer actually existed did nothing to diminish what it represented for and to the people of New Hampshire. Symbols are like that, helping us connect with our past. The highly urbanized and ever-idiosyncratic Golden State prominently features the long-instinct Califor...

Originally posted at www.fccleb.org on June 23 The Guardian of London reports that a 4th century fresco depicting John and Andrew was discovered under a street in Rome (go here for more: www.guardian.co.uk/science/2010/jun/22/apostles-images-john-andrew-italy ). Finds like this are always welcome news to this Roman and Church history fan. They help us learn more about the ancient world and the people who inhabited it, making classical times come alive. One of the most striking things about the fresco is that it portrays a youthful Andrew. In most art, he’s shown as an old man. Here we have him at his prime, allowing us to imagine the disciple as he was when he knew Jesus. He’s a young man, and we can picture him setting out on the great adventure in ministry and service to which he’d been called. ...

Originally posted at fccleb.org on June 15, 2010 Last September I thought I’d try my hand at writing a blog. I posted one entry and then my bloggy muse fell silent. Now I’ve decided to give it another try. Talk about returning to the scene of the authorial crime! Here’s what I wrote last fall … Inspired by my friend Sam Barry, I have decided to take the plunge and begin blogging. My hope in emulating Sam, a real, live published author who wrote How to Play the Harmonica: and Other Life Lessons is that I, too, may someday write a book that someone will actually want to pay real money to read. Ideally, this book will be such a hit that I’ll sell so many copies that I’ll eventually be able to hire someone smarter, wittier, and taller to write this blog for me. Until that blessed (and unlikely) day occurs, I plan to share my thoughts and observations on the wild and wooly world of (dis)organized religion, which happens to be of particular interest to me as a minister in the United Churc...